By the Grace of G-d 18th of Kislev, 5719 Brooklyn, N.Y.

Greeting and Blessing:

I received your letter dated 6th and 12th of Marcheshvan, (but no doubt you meant it to be the 6th and 12th of Kislev.) You write the highlights of your past life and conclude that you feel depressed thinking of your daily conduct which was not in compliance with the Torah and Mitzvos, etc.

No doubt it is unnecessary for me to enlarge upon the matter of the Teshuvah which is one of the fundamental principles of our Torah, Toras Chayim, a precept which we have to observe daily, as we say three times in our daily prayers, “Return us, O G-d, to Thee,” and “forgive us, O our Father.” I suggest that you study the "Iggereth Hateshuva" by the Old Rebbe, author of the Tanya and Shulchan Aruch, where it is explained at some length what Teshuva is and how everyone can attain it, provided there is a will and determination. Sincere Teshuvah is always accepted, for G-d is truly good and forgiving. It will then become clearer to you that a feeling of depression and anxiety is not helpful to true Teshuva, but rather on the contrary, for true and sincere Teshuvah is followed by a feeling of happiness and closeness to G-d, and sincere determination to observe the Torah and Mitzvoth, and serve G-d with joy and gladness of heart.

Turning to your second question as to your immediate future, you write that you are working for your stepfather who is religious. From this I gather that your work will not interfere with your determination to live in accordance with the Torah and Mitzvoth. Considering also your age, I think that you should energetically try to find a suitable Shidduch, that is, a person who would fully agree to build with you a truly Jewish home, based on the foundations of Torah and Mitzvoth, and when you find a suitable party and reach an actual agreement it is not advisable to postpone the wedding date for any length of time. Thus, in my opinion, you should continue with your present job, but at the same time having regular study periods every day, and on Shabbos devoting additional time to the study of the Torah.

I trust you know about the good custom of saying Tillim every morning after prayer, as the Tillim is divided for the days of the month. I hope you observe this custom, and also the custom of giving a couple of cents for Tzedoko before the daily prayers on weekdays. I also suggest that you have your Tefillin checked.

Hoping to hear good news from you, and wishing you a happy and inspiring Chanuka.

With blessing,