By the Grace of G-d18th of Teves, 5741Brooklyn, N.Y.

Blessing and Greeting:

Your letter reached me with considerable delay. In it you write about your past experience and conclude with the question pertaining to shidduch and remarriage.

In view of the limitations of space in a letter, I will mention several points which I trust will serve as guidelines to help you clarify your position.

1) The Torah is called Toras Chayim (Torah of Life) and Toras Chesed (a Benevolent Torah), meaning that it teaches a Jew the proper life in every aspect of the everyday life and that its teachings are for the benefit of the one who adheres to them. Obviously, G-d does not require any favors from a human being.

Furthermore, Toras Chayim also means that adherence to it is bound up with the very essence of Jewish life. In other words, although a Jew has been given free choice of action, to act, speak and even think as he so pleases, a Jew cannot change his or her essence, any more than one can change the color of one’s eyes.

2) It is not surprising that a human being, however knowledgeable one may be, cannot fathom the wisdom of the Creator, nor understand His ways. It is not surprising, by way of a simple illustration, that an infant cannot understand the ways of a professor, even though both are human beings and the difference between them is only relative, in terms of age, education and experience. It is even possible that the infant might one day surpass the professor in all those qualities. This cannot be said, of course, in regard to a created human being and the Creator.

3) Since adherence to the Torah and mitzvos is the essence of a Jew’s life, anything that disrupts this must have inevitable consequences. While the Torah distinguishes a willful act from an inadvertent infringement, or committed out of ignorance for lack of education, etc. — this has to do only with the degree of culpability, but is has no bearing on the consequences per se — just as it makes no difference whether a person puts his finger into boiling water willfully or inadvertently; the blisters will be the same.

4) In human behavior, where there is doubt, a rational person usually weighs the pros and cons of his options. Assuming that a person has doubts about the necessity to follow the teachings of the Torah, yet decides to become observant nonetheless, since to delay it pending his investigation and study, would necessarily take a long time. If he eventually discovers the truth of the Torah, as he is bound to do if he makes the proper effort in terms of time and energy and dedication — he will have the sublime satisfaction of having lived in accordance with the truth all along. Should he, however, for some strange reason, fail to attain this recognition - what, in his scale of values, has he “lost?” — some inconvenience in having observed Shabbos and Yom Tov and having eaten only kosher food and having exercised restraint over some lower passions and proclivities?

5) Marriage brings two people together the whole day - day after day and hopefully for life. Both parties must, therefore, be certain, to the extent that it is humanly possible, that they will not place themselves in a situation of frequent, not to mention constant, friction. Even if both parties are most considerate, kind, etc., constant friction is bound to become unbearable and make life absolutely miserable. And since a Torah life embraces every aspect of the everyday life, a Shidduch for one who is committed to such a life can be considered only if the said basic conditions are assured, namely that there is full prior agreement as to what the everyday life and conduct in all detail would be in married life.

I trust there is no need to expand on the above to you. But if you still require further elucidation, you may talk it over with Rabbi . . ., whom you mention in your letter.

May G-d Whose benevolent Providence extends to each and every one individually, lead you in the way that is truly good for you and your daughter, both materially and spiritually.

With blessing,