-

Blessing and Greeting: 

Your letter reached me with some delay. 

Although it is difficult to reply to it in detail through the medium of a letter, I will, at any rate, answer briefly: 

1) Concerning the establishing of a close relationship between two persons, especially between spouses, which clearly is one of the most important aspects of human life, especially in the view of our Torah - the Creator, in His infinite kindness, has revealed and given to us certain directives and precepts. The purpose of these directives and precepts is, on the one hand, to ensure the conditions under which the couple will be blessed with an abundance of blessings, and on the other, to guide them, and protect them from undesirable acts and consequences. 

In light of the above, it makes no sense to postpone the things which have to be carried out, while guarding against things which should not be done, on the assumption that the right way will come gradually. For, obviously, the divine blessings are needed immediately in daily life, as is the prevention of undesirable consequences. 

2) The above would be valid even in a case where the said factors are presumed but not proven, inasmuch as there is so much at stake, while the effort would in fact involve only a certain inconvenience on the part of those who do not yet appreciate the importance of these matters. Actually, there can be no question about the validity of this approach in the present case, where the Jewish way of life has been tested and proved over the course of thousands of years. Moreover, Jewish history has shown that those who adhered to the Jewish way of life, in accordance with the will of G-d, have been able to surmount all difficulties, and to survive in the face of great odds, whereas those who chose to deviate from this way of life, even temporarily, have suffered serious consequences. These consequences, although not immediately apparent, eventually led to complete estrangement from the Jewish fold, G-d forbid. 

3) Where there is a real desire, and a real feeling for one another, and a real quest for a harmonious life together, one clearly does not allow any inconvenience to get in the way of such great goals having so great a bearing on one's life. Such inconveniences will not be considered a 'sacrifice;' on the contrary, the good attained through effort is all the more esteemed, and brings people closer together. On the other hand, it is too much to expect of a person who believes honestly and sincerely in these things that he or she will compromise on such fundamental issues. 

I trust that, without entering more deeply into all the aspects of the situation, the above comments will suffice, for they have a clear bearing on the matter that you write of. 

May G-d grant you the strength to disregard any difficulties and to order your daily life in accordance with the directives and imperatives of our Torah. And if there really are any problems or any inconveniences involved - of what significance can they be in relation to the inner peace and inner harmony that the Jew attains when he follows in the way of his ancestors, and identifies himself with his great spiritual heritage? 

With blessing,