5730

Blessing and Greeting:

I received your letter with considerable delay.

I trust it is unnecessary to emphasize to you at length that the Jewish way of life, together with its customs, etc., is not only very significant in general, but also in every detail and in the very order of things. In light of this, it becomes obvious how important are peace and harmony between a husband and wife, since the mitzvah of making peace between a husband and wife is counted among the mitzvot whose fruits a Jew enjoys in this world, while the "capital" remains for the World-to-Come. These are mentioned right at the beginning of the Siddur - together with the morning blessings, which are said even before starting the actual morning prayers.

With this approach in mind, it will prove somewhat easier to understand that even if one party were to be completely in the right (or almost completely in the right), while the other party was completely in the wrong (or almost completely in the wrong), it would still be incumbent upon both parties to do everything in their power to restore peace and harmony. Certainly this duty becomes paramount in the case of a husband and wife who hold prominent positions in the community, as a result of which other Jews look up to them for example and guidance. Clearly, an outsider cannot know, nor can he be told, what compelling reasons there might be for such a situation. The outsider can only observe and draw his own conclusions, since he will not inquire about, nor is it possible to inform him of, all the factors and extenuating circumstances, should there be any. Add to this the fact that it concerns a couple, both of whom are active in the sphere of Jewish education.

Moreover, and of course this is also most essential, since G-d has blessed you with children, good children, who require the attention, love and upbringing of both parents, and these children are surely entitled to receive what is due to them from their parents there can be no shadow of a doubt that each of you should do everything possible not to strain the relationship further, but on the contrary, both of you must try to strengthen it and restore it to full harmony.

As to the situation itself, namely, who is right and who is wrong, I cannot, of course, go into this, nor is it necessary in light of what has been said above. For the important thing, as already stated, is to strengthen the family ties, this being the overriding consideration. However, it would be well if you could find a mutual friend before whom both of you could unburden yourselves in a frank exchange of grievance. It is possible that an outsider, who at the same time is a friend, might see more objectively, and find the best way to straighten things out, and in the soonest possible time, so that once again peace and harmony may reign in the home.

Hoping to hear good news from you,

With blessing,